Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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