Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
