The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
