my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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