remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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