i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
