So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I deserve this hangover.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize