he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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