question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
