I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
