I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize