actually, I'm a sock model
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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