Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
