Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
