I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
