But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
