And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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