oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
