I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
