i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
