I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Come on in and take your pants off
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