I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize