i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
