Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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