note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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