toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
