Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
