If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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