I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You ever have a fart follow you around?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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