I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
