chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
