i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
