just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
