The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have aggressive nipples.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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