You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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