Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
