So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
