Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
