i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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