It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize