I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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