That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
