the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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