My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
