Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My vagina is officially offended.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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