Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
