evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
