Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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