I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
