But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
