hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
