Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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