I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
