ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
