Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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