Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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