Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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