there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
