Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize