my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
