I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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