pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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